


(i hope you know) you're my home

by abyssith



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: CPR, Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Semi-Canon Compliant, Unrealized Feelings, barlyle - Freeform, if pt gave phillip mouth to mouth, that fire scene killed me, this totally would've happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 11:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13386804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abyssith/pseuds/abyssith
Summary: Barnum gathers his wits and makes up his mind. He grabs Phillip’s face and tilts it up as he bends his head down, faltering for the shortest of split seconds before fastening his lips around the other's.





	(i hope you know) you're my home

**Author's Note:**

> \--unedited--

When he watches Phillip run back into the inferno, he's sure that keeping his feet planted and still is one of the hardest things he has ever done.

Staying still when he watches Anne’s lithe form stagger out alone, though, is nigh impossible. And all it takes is one horrified look from Charity for him to make his decision, because Phillip’s just going to keep searching and searching for the girl he won’t find until he burns to death.

Barnum meets his wife’s eyes, opening his mouth to try and explain himself. She sees what he’s about to do and she begins to protest, reaching out, but Barnum gives up wasting time with words. He knows what he needs to do  and surely nothing will keep him from his goal. So he turns on his heel and sprints into the burning circus building faster than he has ever run in his life. The flames swallow him and send him plunging into a hellish nightmare, and almost immediately Barnum is plagued with violent coughs and pouring eyes. He can barely see through the smoke and blinding orange light where the fire still licks at the walls and furniture. At this pace, the foundation will be destroyed much too soon, and aside from Phillip it is Barnum’s largest current concern.

Barnum squints through the fire, wheezing as he calls Phillip’s name between wet coughs. A deafening creak resonates through the building and his pulse accelerates, soaking his skin with a cold sweat. He shouts a little louder.

He witnesses something of a miracle when he sees movement flicker at the edge of his vision. Barnum whirls around and sees the unmistakable form of Phillip slumping to his knees before toppling over to the ground. He swears Phillip manages to gasp his name before he collapses.

Barnum cries out and rushes forward. With the adrenaline coursing through his veins it takes almost no effort to scoop the younger man up in his arms and lift him with the help of his knee. Phillip sags into his chest like a limp doll and trembles wildly despite being unconscious, just about breaking Barnum’s heart.

Another creak rises over the sound of the fire around them and is accompanied by an even louder crack. Barnum immediately begins racing back the way he came, cradling Phillip against him with the grip of iron. The room gets impossibly hotter and all around them wooden beams begin to fall, and he knows it’s only a matter of time before the roof caves in as well. It turns out to be a matter of seconds, because Barnum has only just cleared the main auditorium when the loudest sound of all pierces into the night. He squeezes his eyes shut, pumping his legs as fast as he can. He burns with the weight of Phillip but he wouldn’t slow for the world.

A wave of heat and ash surges over the pair as the building implodes. Barnum hears distant screams and he knows he must be close. Once a large chunk of the second floor narrowly misses them, but Barnum doesn’t even notice. All he focuses on is the man in his arms and the rectangle of darkness beyond the flames.

When they cross through the door and stumble out into the night, Barnum sucks in the deepest, greediest breath of his life. His arms shake and his legs feel like they’re about to give out, and it’s all he can do to lurch back towards his family and the performers. As soon as he reaches Anne and Charity he sinks to the ground, dropping Phillip as gently as he possibly can. Phillip’s left arm, which had been slung around Barnum’s neck, is the last part of him to fall, and Barnum feels the man’s fingers slip down his cheek before settling beside the rest of him.

A lump begins to form in his throat. He touches Phillip’s elbow and gets on top of him, frantically pressing a hand against his face and then his neck. His other hand moves on its own, searching desperately for Phillip’s and does not stop until he finds it. In the chaos and darkness he knows no one will see, and even if they could he wouldn’t care. Barnum laces their fingers together as he checks Phillip’s pulse, getting more and more anxious by the second. His eyes trace a delicate line down the man’s face and linger on the nasty burns, more notably the one above his left eye.

“Phillip,” he hisses, and then louder. “ _Phillip._ ”

A choked cry from Anne interrupts him and Barnum glances up, his gaze softening when he sees the terrified trapeze artist. He looks back down at Phillip. Feeling more helpless than ever, Barnum bows his head close to Phillip’s face and mumbles more to himself than the other man. “C’mon, Phillip. Don’t give up on me. Don’t you dare.”

_What do I know about CPR?_ Barnum thinks. Chest compressions.

He doesn’t want to release Phillip’s hand but he knows he must. He places his palms against Phillip’s chest and begins to push, clenching his teeth tightly. Nothing seems to happen, and he wracks his brain for something, _anything_ else. _Mouth-to-mouth,_ he remembers. And this is what brings him to a halt; he stops in his tracks. He knows he can’t afford to hesitate now, but Barnum can’t help it. It’s an idiotic thought because this certainly won’t be a kiss in any way, and _yet._

Barnum gathers his wits and makes up his mind. He grabs Phillip’s face and tilts it up as he bends his head down, faltering for the shortest of split seconds before fastening his lips around the other's. At first he has no clue what he’s doing and just kneels there, taken aback by the feeling of another male’s lips around his. And it’s the _worst_ time to ponder this but once again Barnum is powerless to push away the thought. It’s only when he hears Charity trying to console Anne that he finally acts.

Barnum inhales through his nose and releases the carbon dioxide into Phillip’s mouth. He licks his lips and does it a second, and then a third time. He quickly parts to pump Phillip’s chest for about ten seconds before bending back down. This time, on his second exhale, Phillip suddenly begins to move. Barnum doesn’t feel it at first because he’s so focused on getting air into the other man’s lungs, but soon he realizes that there’s a hand brushing against his right thigh. And then he notices that the lips against his are— _they’re moving, why are they moving, this isn’t part of the plan._

He knows that no one else can possibly see what’s happening but Barnum knows, he knows and he’s panicking. The initial shock manifests as a tight blush that squeezes his heart and constricts his throat and for a second he almost breaks away out of surprise. But curiosity lures him in and as the alarm fades, he realizes that Phillip must have assumed someone was kissing him in his dizzy, halfway-conscious state of mind. A bit of relief lifts some of the embarrassment off his shoulders since Phillip could easily be thinking that Barnum is Anne.

However, Phillip surprises him one more time by muttering, “Barnum…” into his mouth before continuing to kiss him.

This time Barnum really does break away. Thinking quickly and pretending to be checking Phillip’s pulse once again, he looks up and hopes no one can see the redness dusting his cheeks. Someone had called for help and he spots a few men carrying a stretcher between them. He stares back down at Phillip, who is beginning to stir. He knows he has only a few seconds left to finish what he started.

Barnum bows his head one more time and locks his lips around Phillip’s, not at all intending to revive him because he knows he’s alive and he’s so _relieved._ He kisses his partner properly but as subtly as he can; his hand squeezes Phillip’s as he lets his tongue flick out to lick away some of the smoke dirtying the younger man’s bottom lip. Phillip is still kissing back but it’s slow enough for Barnum not to worry about being found out.

After a final mental snapshot of the ashy, fiery taste of Phillip’s mouth Barnum reluctantly straightens up as the men with the stretcher near them. He lets go of Phillip’s hand and stands with a nod to the men, who move in to pick up the man’s body. Phillip had seemingly passed out again shortly after Barnum left him. That suits Barnum just fine; he knows his friend is alright. And, moreover, he knows what Phillip’s lips taste like.

 

* * *

 

When Barnum sees Phillip for the first time after being released from the hospital, the older man grins and walks towards him with wide arms. “You lived,” he beams, noticing with a touch of sadness the purple bruises and dark scabs marring Phillip’s handsome face.

Phillip turns to look at him. There’s the briefest of looks flitting across his face, a look of searching and familiarity and confusion. It stops Barnum in his tracks and his arms fall to his side. “You,” Phillip says instead of greeting him. He points at Barnum with an unreadable look. “I need to talk to you.”

Barnum begins to respond but Phillip simply reaches forward and grabs hold of his wrist before whisking the ringleader away. Barnum is able to cast a look towards Anne, who had been speaking with Phillip beforehand. The girl just shrugs.

Barnum turns his attention to the man pulling him forward and follows in silence. A growing nervousness yawns in his chest because it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why Phillip wants to talk to him. _How much does he remember?_

They make a few turns until they duck beneath an archway that leads into a secluded area squared off with three walls. It’s darker here, and Phillip only releases Barnum when they’re at the very back of the large alcove. The older man goes to lean against a wall, holding his wrist where Phillip had touched him. Phillip stands close in front of him, arms folded.

The men stare at each other for a long minute, neither willing to instigate conversation. The tension between them stretches until it’s a thick fog condensed into a wall humming with electricity. Finally Barnum gives in. “Well?”

Phillip opens his mouth, and then closes it. He looks down and fiddles with his sleeve for a few seconds before staring back up at Barnum without moving his head. “You saved me,” he says.

Barnum slowly nods once, trying to mask how shallow his breaths are now coming. “Yes,” he agrees. “I did.”

Phillip searches him with his eyes, still looking like a fish as he continues to open and close his mouth on multiple occasions. He seems to be addressing and disregarding thoughts faster than Barnum can track them, and the ringleader almost gives up on trying to get a word out of him until Phillip says finally, “Did you—did you kiss me?”

“No,” Barnum says immediately, automatically. But that isn’t exactly true, is it? “Not…not intentionally,” he tries again, shying away from Phillip’s sharp gray-blue gaze. Wide and random hand movements accompany his next words as he fumbles for a solid idea of what he’s attempting to explain. “I didn’t—you weren’t breathing, so I. Did CPR? For a little while?”

“But you kissed me.”

Barnum gets a little frustrated now because Phillip just isn’t letting him defend himself. “No, I—I just—it was mouth-to-mouth,” he blurts. “That’s all it was. You needed to breathe.”

“Barnum, I’m not a fool,” Phillip retorts with a little breathy chuckle. “You _kissed_ me. I know you did. I felt it. I felt that much.”

“Well—” Barnum searches for an argument, but huffs in exasperation when he discovers he cannot. Irritated, he complains weakly, “You kissed me first!”

Phillip frowns, genuine surprise filling his eyes. “Did I?” he mumbles, furrowing his brow. “No, I don’t think I did.”

This time it’s Barnum’s turn to insist upon something. “You most certainly did,” he says, leaning forward with a smirk. “I was just trying to keep you alive. But you probably woke up and thought it was a kiss, didn’t you?”

“I…suppose,” Phillip relents, beginning to blush. Then he looks up, smiling triumphantly. “But _you_ kissed back.”

Barnum expels all of the air in his lungs in a loud sigh and exclaims, “Goddamn, Phillip! Yes, I did!”

Phillip grins at him cheekily, looking like a proud child with the way he tilts his hips and lifts his head. “There you go, Barnum. Was it that hard?”

Barnum laughs in disbelief of the way this conversation is going. “Are you joking? Out of the two of us you’re the one who should be admitting to something. I was _saving your life._ ”

“Maybe so,” Phillip muses, walking towards him. “Thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome,” Barnum says. But he gets nervous when Phillip stops just inches away from their chests touching. “Is there anything else you would like me to say?”

Phillip touches his chin thoughtfully. “I dunno. Maybe I—maybe I was hoping we could try that again.”

“Come again?”

“Can we…” Phillip swallows, all of a sudden looking quite meek. Barnum watches his Adam’s apple bob with the movement. “Can we kiss again, Barnum?”

Barnum’s jaw drops and he has to fight the urge to pull Phillip in right then and there. He must be sensible. “What about Anne?”

Phillip dismisses her with a smile and a twitch of his nose. “This isn’t about her. This is about you. I want to kiss you again. For real.”

Barnum wants to keep arguing, _knows_ he should keep arguing but he just can’t. Phillip is standing right there, conscious and sane and sober and he simply cannot pass up this golden opportunity. “Absolutely,” he murmurs, reaching forward.

Phillip pulls his face down first, grabbing his cheeks and closing his eyes. Barnum tilts the younger man’s head up with one hand around his chin and gently holds his neck with the other as their lips collide, and it’s familiar and different all at the same time. Phillip tastes the same but without the flavor of smog; he feels the same but softer. Barnum’s eyelashes flutter as Phillip reaches up and grasps his short curls, pulling him down, down, down. He smells so good and it’s all lips and fingers and _tongue,_ there’s Phillip’s _tongue_ going into his mouth—

Barnum finds it odd how easily he melts into his partner, unashamed and eager for the next moment. Phillip is aggressive in his youth but there’s still a hint of uncertainty, and that is what Barnum makes up for with his composure. He takes the reigns of the kiss after a few seconds and grips the younger man a little tighter, shifting the angle to kiss Phillip deeper. Phillip makes a feeble sound and groans a little, having to open his mouth wider to gasp.

Barnum chuckles into Phillip’s mouth, resting his forehead against his. “How’s that?” he murmurs, kissing him between words.

“That’s good,” Phillip manages to answer, squeezing Barnum’s shoulder. “That’s good.”

Barnum lightly takes Phillip’s bottom lip between his teeth before backing away, releasing the younger man. Phillip stumbles away, breathing hard and rubbing his very much red face. “I’d say we’re about even,” announces the ringleader, blinking the vertigo away.

“Even for what?” Phillip’s words are just slightly slurred.

“Kissing back.”

Phillip laughs. “I don’t know. I’ll make sure later."

Barnum raises an eyebrow and taps the younger man's nose. Phillip catches his hand before he can pull it away and rests a kiss between his knuckles, drawing a shy smile from the elder. Barnum's next words ring with affection and a silent promise.  "You may try."

 

 

_END_

**Author's Note:**

> whoops i slipped and now i'm trash


End file.
